The battle to be crowned Miss Ukraine Universe is as heated as it gets considering women from the Ukraine are about the hottest chicks on the planet. The audition process alone is rigorous. Women are weighed, measured, and scrutinized to hell and back. The winner advances to the Miss Universe pageant in Las Vegas. This years winner, and my future ex-wife, was Anna Poslavskaya. I always dreamed of being an unscrupulous pageant judge, trading sexual favors for career advancement. If it's the last thing I do, I'm going to learn Russian and land a gig judging hot women whilst using my hotel room as a revolving door of drugs and models.