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Tuesday, January 4, 2011

I’m so proud of my ‘Princess Boy’ says mother who allows five-year-old son to wear pink dresses

Cheryl Kilodavis was stunned when her young son first insisted on wearing a dress. Now she has published a book about him, in a bid to teach critics to accept his differences.

For most young boys, dressing up as Spiderman and Buzz Lightyear would be the stuff of fancy dress fantasy.

But not so for five-year-old Dyson Kilodavis, from Seattle, who insists on wearing dresses worthy of a Disney princess.

Naturally, his parents, Cheryl and Dean Kilodavis, were concerned that this could make him an easy target for bullies, and when the tendency first emerged, his mother tried to deter him.

Princess Boy: Dyson Kilodavis, five, who loves wearing dresses, has inspired his mother to write a book about accepting others' differences

Princess Boy: Dyson Kilodavis, five, who loves wearing dresses, has inspired his mother to write a book about accepting others' differences

But after several unsuccessful attempts, she decided that it was not her son, but his critics that needed to change, and she has now published a picture book about how there is nothing wrong with the way he chooses to dress.

'I printed a prototype of my book at a local copy centre and used it as a tool to share my feelings,' she said in an interview today.

'It explained how exclusion hurts and how even a basic level of acceptance can really change lives.'

Her book has since been picked up by a major publisher and went on sale across the U.S. just before Christmas.

Oblivious: Dyson told Today: 'I'm a princess boy and I love wearing dresses and the colours pink and red'

Oblivious: Dyson told Today: 'I'm a princess boy and I love wearing dresses and the colours pink and red'

What young Dyson will make of this very public story of acceptance when he is older remains to be seen - most teenagers cringe when their mother brings out the baby photos, and such a widely available book will mean he has nowhere to hide.

Mrs Kilodavis told the Today show how it was her older son, Dkobe, eight, who convinced her to let Dyson dress as he wished.

'Dkobe said to me: "Why can't you just let him be happy, Mom?"

'I realised at that moment that this was my issue, not his, and not Dyson's nor Dean's,' she said.

'After taking a second to do some self-searching, I realised I had years of preconceived notions from my childhood, spiritually and culturally.'

Mrs Kilodavis explained that My Princess Boy 'is designed to start and continue a dialogue about unconditional friendship and teaches children - and adults - how to accept and support children for who they are and how they wish to look.'

She said that she didn't believe her son would be bullied any less if he wore boys' clothes, and that her book was a wake-up call.

'I understand that we all want life to be easy for our children,' she continued. 'I want that, too. But I don't think bullying will stop if my son wears traditional boy clothes.

'We need a wake-up call. America needs one. The world needs one. We need to start asking ourselves why we are condemning people and things just because they are different and make us feel uncomfortable.

'Bullying is taking lives. It is unacceptable. Period. We must stop standing by while others are being harmed for expressing themselves.

'Our children are teaching us how to accept them every day. We all want our children to live in a world where they can express themselves without harming anyone else or being harmed.'

Acceptance: Cheryl and Dean Kilodavis with sons Dyson (right), and eight-year-old Dkobe (left), who convinced his parents to let his brother dress as he wished

Acceptance: Cheryl and Dean Kilodavis with sons Dyson (right), and eight-year-old Dkobe (left), who convinced his parents to let his brother dress as he wished

Dyson himself seemed oblivious to any controversy, as he told Today: 'I'm a princess boy and I love wearing dresses and I love the colours of pink and red.'

And his father insisted that aside from his choice of dress, his son was just like any other five-year-old.

'It's not contagious,' he said. 'He's just like any other kid. He plays checkers, he plays in the trees. He just likes to do it in a dress. Big deal.'

Ken Corbett, author of Boyhoods: Rethinking Masculinities, said that there was a market for Mrs Kilodavis's book.

'I think what it tells us is that these boys and their parents and the social world is no longer the same as it was.

In print: Mrs Kilodavis' book is now on sale across the U.S. after it was snapped up by a major publisher

In print: Mrs Kilodavis' book is now on sale across the U.S. after it was snapped up by a major publisher

'There is an audience for this book, and there are people who need this kind of information and this kind of help.'

Mrs Kilodavis said that she had no misgivings about publishing her son's story.

'I haven't had that moment of regret yet. Partly that is because people are emailing me from all over the world saying: "I'm so glad I'm not alone.'

Her situation echoes that of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, whose daughter Shiloh, four, likes to dress as a boy.

In an interview with Vanity Fair in June this year, she said: 'Shiloh, we feel, has Montenegro style.

'She dresses like a little dude. It's how people dress there. She likes tracksuits, she likes [regular] suits.'

But Angelina is not concerned about her daughter, and like Mrs Kilodavis, lets her children dress as they wish.

She added that she sees much of herself in Shiloh.

'She's hysterically funny, one of the goofiest, most playful people you’ll ever meet.

'Goofy and verbal, the early signs of a performer. I used to get dressed up in costumes and jump around.'

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